Recently I have been extremely busy with my school work so writing a review has just not been possible for me. However, I thought it would be a fun idea to release one of my school papers that I wrote for my 9th Grade English class. The paper itself was supposed to be our own interpretation of a Ancient Greek Epic Chapter, one example of this is Homer’s “The Odyssey”. Our class’s only requirements for the paper is that it must include three or more different “tests” that the main character needs to go through and to include at least one Greek god in the paper.
Just to keep this clear, this paper of mine is completely unedited paper –grammar errors and all- that I wrote several years ago and is exactly how I turned it in for the class. Looking back now, I am so proud at myself to see how much I have grown as a writer since then. Now that you guys have the background context to the paper enjoy reading the funniest yet worst papers that I have ever written.
The Adventures of Kim Jong-Un
By: Magnitude Reviews
As Kim Jong-Un: Ruler of North Korea, checks his bags and make sure that he is ready to conquer what he desires. He would not be returning for a while. As Kim Jong-Un boards his private jet and gets comfortable. As the jet is being prepared to leave, Kim remembers that he left his stuffed rabbit in his office. He rushes out of the jet to retrieve his most prized possession. He comes back with the rabbit only to realize that the jet has left without him.
Kim cries out for the jet to come back, but its no use. However, Hermes: the Messenger God, hears his plea for help and comes to his aid.
“Kim Jong-Un, why on earth has your jet left without you?” Hermes asked.
“I was just about ready to leave but I had noticed that my lucky stuffed rabbit had been waiting for me on my desk, I have never gone anywhere without it. Especially when I am confronted by the mythical god named Barack Obama,” stated Kim Jong-Un.
“I can see how that rabbit is important to you, but first I must ask you if you prefer to go by any nicknames,” asked Hermes.
“You may call me Kimmy if you would like,” declared Kim Jong-Un.
“Kimmy it is then, where exactly would you want me to take you?” asked Hermes.
“My jet was just about to head towards Disneyland Tokyo, but I have been banned from that park due to the fact that I am, as they call me: a threatening dictator of an up and coming communist country with nukes. I can’t think of a reason why they would say something so horrible like that about me,” responded Kimmy.
“Disneyland Tokyo, you said? If so then I will help you sneak into the park.” declared Hermes.
12:00 AM: “Well there you go Kimmy I have allowed you to get past the park gates. In return, you must retrieve me 4 items from the park in order for me to let you out of the park. You must bring me: the gloves of Mickey Mouse, the Monsters Inc. Helmet, Cinderella’s Glass Slippers and finally Captain America’s Shield.” stated Hermes. “Once you have gathered these items, you must call me by activating a beam of light into the air from atop of Space Mountain,” said Hermes as he flew away into the clouds above.
1:30 AM: We see Kimmy in front of Mickey Mouse’s House as he is ready to travel into the famous house of the iconic mouse. But as he opens the door and he turns the corner of the house, he sees Oswald: the Lucky Rabbit sitting in a rocking chair right in front of him with the gloves on. Kimmy looked down at a basket next to the chair and inside he saw a paintbrush. Kimmy dives towards the basket and at the same moment Oswald used his ears to fly in the air like a helicopter and landed in front of the door so he could block the exit. Kimmy then used the paintbrush by drawing an alternate exit out of the house. Oswald followed him out and had used his ears as boomerangs and threw them at Kimmy, Kimmy had launched paint at them in which it had been able to redirect the trajectory of the boomerangs in which they hit Oswald so hard that they knocked him out. Kimmy had quickly raced over towards Oswald to retrieve the gloves. He grabs the gloves and runs off with Oswald yelling at him to come back.
2:00 AM: Kimmy arrives in front of Monsters Inc. Ride & Go Seek in which he enters the ride and sees Mike Wazowski with the helmet on.
“May I ask where I can get one of those helmets Mr. Wazowski?” asked Kimmy.
“You won’t be able to find these helmets anywhere except on my head… but if you really want one, then you must challenge me to a rap battle,” stated Mike. As it was Kimmy’s only option, he accepted.
“I will go first Mr…. I didn’t catch your name.” declared Mike.
“Just call me Kimmy.” stated Kim Jong-Un
“Okay you see there is this little fat guy that thinks he can do anything you wants, well I have a message for you little you this rap will taunt you. Hey Mr. Kimmy you better run before you are done you are so scared that you need nukes, well I think that is a big fluke. It’s your turn next, but watch out you will soon become perplexed.” rapped Mike.
“Okay let’s get this done quickly, because well, you know that I have this one trick. You Mr. Mikey, you may not be spikey. But you know what you are: slightly rounded, just like how you’ll get grounded. You little brat, will just go splat with this brush of mine, but you will eventually just rush out those doors when you go crying to your mommy with your tears so big that you would make a tsunami.” rapped Kimmy.
“Like a giant wave, it will put you to the grave. You must really love your nukes, but look how you have no troops. You think you rule North Korea, just like how you may have diarrhea. I may have flunked college, but at least I have a little bit of knowledge. I hope you can spot how far you are behind me, because your whole country thinks you had resigned.” rapped Mike.
“You think I resigned then, well you aren’t even part of mankind. You little green man, make sure to wipe my car clean. You think you one eyed monster is so scary, you might as well be Katy Perry,” concluded Kimmy.
“Okay! Enough! Okay you won this round, take your stupid helmet and get out of my sight,” declared Mike.
Kimmy grabs the helmet and walks out of the attraction. He heads towards his next destination.
3:45 AM: Kimmy approaches Cinderella’s Castle. He realizes that he hasn’t eaten in a while and enters the castle in search for a kitchen. He enters the kitchen and starts to make a sandwich. Meanwhile, somewhere in the castle, a mouse awakens to the smell of bread. He follows the scent and peers into the kitchen. He sees the stranger and runs to wake to princess. She gets up and walks down the grand staircase. Kimmy turns around just in time to see the princess, Cinderella. “What on earth are you doing in my castle?” exclaims Cinderella.
“I was just hungry,” replied Kimmy.
She looks at him and says, “If you needed something, you could’ve just asked. Now, what do you need?”
“I need your slipper,’ says Kimmy.
“I’m sorry, but those are very special to me,” replies Cinderella.
In his Kimmy formulates a plan to retrieve the slipper. “That’s fine.”
He drops his food on the ground and exclaims, “Oh my! Look at the mess I made, I am so sorry!”
“No worries accidents happen! Let me just clean this up real quick.”
He takes his chance and rushes to receive the glass slippers from underneath her feet. He grabs and starts to run out the castle.
“Theif! Stop!” yelled Cinderella.
6:00 AM: Just as the sun began to rise, Kimmy saw a mysterious figure above on top of Space Mountain. As Kimmy began to move closer to the building, the mysterious figure began to become more clear the closer Kimmy got to it. As Kimmy was right against the edge of the building, he soon began to realize that it was his friend from the not-so-safe-country of America: Dennis Rodman: Shooter of Hoops. As it was as though Kimmy had never explained before that there was a friend of his that had disappeared, never to be seen again. Dennis had disappeared around the time that Kimmy’s father, Kim Jong-Il had died. Some people believed that Dennis was the culprit for the sudden death and that he fled to not be accused.
“Did you really kill my father?” asked Kimmy.
“Well since its just you and me, I think its safe to say that I, in fact, was the one that had brutally murdered your father, and that your father did not die from a heart attack. If anyone was smart enough to do any research on your father, they would have realized that he had died from drowning. I had asked if he would like to go swimming with me in a pool, so I went in as well, but later I had left the pool stating that I had to go to grab something that I had left at my chair. but since I am the genius that I am, I had grabbed the remote for the pool and had closed the lid right on top of him. He didn’t even stand a chance. I had pulled him from the water after a few moments and dried him off and left him on the floor in his bedroom.” stated Dennis.
“Kim, you think you are the sun and rise above all as if you rose and create a feeling of safety among your people. You believe nothing shall stand in your way because you believe you are so high and mighty. While in reality you are the cloud thats brings sadness and despair! You serve no purpose and you are disliked for it! You rain on others and dampen their spirits. Dont believe me? You stole a princess’s shoe and the gloves and paintbrush that belong to the most praised mouse in the world! You couldn’t even figure out that I was the one who killed your father!”
“For all this time how did I never suspect that it was you?” asked Kimmy.
“Because you are an idiot just like your father, and thought that I had just ironically disappeared around the exact same time that this event had occurred.I have been in this park since your fathers passing occurred. Also if you are wondering, you will never be able to leave this park alive,” declared Dennis.
“Is that so? Well than I guess that I can not allow that to happen!” yelled Kimmy.
As Kimmy runs up the ladders to the top he runs to reaching a thirty foot ramp. It was mysteriously gone. At the other side of the ramp is Captain America’s Shield tucked behind a glass case. This gap is far too massive to jump across. Kimmy then realizes that he has a tool with him that can help him get across. He pulls out the paintbrush that he had found in Mickey’s house. Kimmy imagines that there is a bridge that will suspend from each side of the ramps, before he realises that this bridge now exists and is able to safely get Kimmy across. As Kimmy breaks the glass to reach the shield, Dennis comes up behind him and says, “You really think that you can get away that easily. Only one of will get away safely. And I’m going to make sure its me.”
Dennis runs back to get to the ladder that heads towards the roof. Kimmy soon follows him up the ladder, and throws the shield at Dennis. To his surprise the shield came back to him.
6:30 AM: Now that Kimmy and Dennis are both on top of the building. Dennis reveals his true identity as the Red Skull: Leader of Hydra. And he exclaimed, “Hail Hydra!” Red Skull then pulls out a gun and starts shooting at Kimmy, when Kimmy is just crouching with his shield in front of him slowly inching towards the Red Skull. When Kimmy is close enough to the Red Skull, he uses the shield to punch the Red Skull in the nose, making him fly off the building and land on the ground, passed out.
7:00 AM: Kimmy rushed over to the spot that Hermes had described that would be the way to contact him, and Kimmy tries to turn the light on, and it doesn’t work. Kimmy then looks harder to realise that there are slots in the shapes of: Mickey Mouse’s Gloves, Monsters Inc. Helmet, Cinderella’s Glass Slipper, and finally Captain America’s Shield. Kimmy places each of the items in the desired spots, and then the light turns on. Moments later Hermes shows up and says, “I see you have fulfilled my tasks and have retrieved the items that I desired, you are now allowed to go back to North Korea, are you ready to leave?”
“I have gone through a lot in this one night, this is one night that I won’t forget, I have in fact taken control of Disneyland Tokyo, but I had discovered something far more important regarding my fathers passing. Hermes… lets go,” declared Kim Jong-Un. And so they left, not speaking a word of Kim’s adventure.
Wow… you actually made it through that entire paper? Anyways, I will try my very best to release my review of Perfect Blue next week… if not then I will try a different option… Either way it will happen eventually.